Walking Assistance and Mobility Devices

I've rocked a few canes, walkers and wheelchairs in my day.  I can't exactly say they've been the best accessories I've owned, but they've had a purpose.

I have two of these in bronze.  Not the most stylish, so I feel I should find one that is more...me.

I have awesome, and hilarious friends.  While out for my friend Angela's birthday, we ran into a woman who had the exact same cane as me.  Angela so hysterically pointed out that the woman, who was 80 if she was a day, wasn't really using hers.  She was just holding it while I really needed mine.  Angela couldn't stop laughing, and I am chuckling just thinking of that day. 

My friend KT did know I wanted to find something a bit more fashionable, so she got me a cane with a cat head on it.  We're not talking a cute and snuggly domestic animal.  It was a cougar!  I use that cane when I'm out on the prowl hunting down some fine looking younger men.  I'd say it's a conversation starter, but the men I attract with my cougar-like ways aren't exactly good conversationalists.

The cougar cane is hot, but it's not really functional.  I'd love to find something that is both even though I am not in need of a device at this moment, having one handy would be nice.  I could see myself being as bitchin' as Dr. House with a flaming cane.

I have used walkers too.  The clunky ones are not my favorite.  When I was in rehab, my OT gave me a bag to go on it so I could carry stuff around.  Found out the original purpose of the canvas bag was to hold a colostomy bag.  It was never used for that purpose though.    (Yes, I've had to have one of THOSE kinds of bags before.  It wasn't the most comfortable thing, but it was kind of cool to pee without having to get up.  I want to use them for the Super Bowl some time.) 

Sure I could doll them up with ribbons and flowers, but that's not how a bad ass like myself wants to roll.  My PTs switched me to a "faster" walker once I was getting a little more mobile.  I was scared at first because it was easy to push and sometimes got away from me.  Once I was able to control it better, I cruised on that thing.  I also had a little seat for whenever I got tired.  It was MUCH cooler.  

Yes, it has brakes.  It's THAT fast. 

My mother never used a wheelchair due to her MS, but had she lived longer, it would have been inevitable.  I don't want just ANY motorized chariot.  I want a top of the line, speed demon, HOT ROD!  I could pick up so many men with the ultimate rascal or hoveroud.

This is what I'll use during a zombie apocalypse.  It has a flamethrower. 

This is just cool.

If I cross my fingers, there may be a cure for MS before I'll even need to permanently use any of these devices.  

I'd like to stick to just using the tennis shoes.