My Mother taught me how to be strong

My mother was in her 40’s when she was officially diagnosed with MS, but she recalls many moments in her life that she attributes to her MS.  When my brother Joe was born, she went blind for 2 weeks.  The doctors told her it was the stress of having a newborn.  Even though he was her first, Joe was a good baby she said.  She also recalled that the best she ever felt was when she was pregnant.  She would have been glad to have more children, but even then she knew there was something not quite right, so she and my father thought it best to not have any more children.  

My mom would let me get perms when she went to the beauty shop to get her's  We were FABULOUS in the 80's.

I was 13 when she was diagnosed.  What I remember most about my mother that summer was that she was having difficulty doing what she loved.  I got dragged to a lot of flea markets and antique stores in my youth.  The summer was the best time for flea markets and I would travel all over Ohio with my parents on Saturdays to look at various “wares” being displayed.  My father was on the hunt for antique fishing tackle, and my mother...well, I don’t think she had anything specific in mind.  She liked antique lures and even had her own collection of ice fishing decoys, but mostly I think she just liked shopping and people watching.  My young arms and legs were used to carry whatever she found for a quarter.  If she were alive today, I’d make her watch that Hoarders show.

I remember being in Springfield, Ohio at the Clark County Fairgrounds for a monthly flea market.  It was a hot August and my mother wasn’t feeling very well.  My father feared that she was having a heat stroke so we were sure to hydrate her.  When she didn’t feel better, we went home.  My mother’s condition didn’t improve over the weeks, so she went to her doctor.  After many tests, she was sent to a neurologist, Dr. Wadhwa.

For anyone who had the pleasure of  knowing my mother, they would say that she was a hilarious, light-hearted, and optimistic person.  She took the diagnosis very well.  After her MRI, Dr. Wadwha showed her the image of her brain.  He explained to her that the dark marks on the brain were lesions and that paired with her symptoms, she had MS.  

After he told her this she asked, “Wait, what?  Tell me that again.”

Thinking she was in shock about the diagnosis he repeated that she had MS.  “No.  That other part.  About the brain.”

“These are lesions,” he explained again.

“No, I mean.  I have a brain?  You have PROOF that I actually have a brain?”

“You’ll be fine,” he said with a chuckle.

I asked if it was hereditary and was told that it wasn't. 

Being a teenager of a woman with MS was, challenging.  Sometimes and angsty teenager just didn’t understand.  If she was too tired or wasn’t as quick, it wasn’t because she didn’t care.  She just couldn’t always stay up late to pick me up from various school events.  Until I could drive, I had to rely on other people to pick me up if play practice or whatever went past 9pm.  She was always there for the show, as well as sporting event or band concert.  She never missed a reason to cheer on her daughter.  She was standing right next to me after I was crowned homecoming queen.  I don’t really think I was popular, but my mom, who worked at my school was.  She got invited to way more parties than I did.  She blamed the MS when she couldn’t attend a kegger.  I when then whine like an angsty teen because I wasn’t invited.  Even if I was invited, mom already knew and would end my life somehow if even thought about going.  Being a teenager can be such a drag.  I can’t wait until I have a teenager of my own so that I can torture him or her like my mother did me.  I will only do it out of love though.  

Her passion in her life where her children.  She had three biological children and hundreds of children at the school where she was a teacher’s aide.

Me and my mommy at my College Graduation.

She was a very strong woman.  She had always thought that because of the MS, she would die before my father.  She threatened to get cremated and put in an urn so that she could keep an eye on him.  When my father was dying of cancer, she stayed by his side and took care of him.  Even though she herself couldn’t physically support him, she’d stay by his side in the hospital room all day and all night.  It was exhausting for her, but she loved him.  MS or not, she was going to take care of him.  I had only ever witnessed my mother cry twice in my life.  The first time was when her father died and the second was when my father died.  

A year after my father died, my mother was experiencing some flare ups of the MS.  She was having a very difficult time walking and the heat that summer was really getting to her.  I took her to the ER, because there was something else besides the summer heat causing the flare ups.  

The first diagnosis was Diverticulitis, but further examinations would lead to a surgery.  The surgery was when it was discovered that she had cancer.  My mother never really told me what sort of cancer she had.  We knew it was in her uterus, but it wasn’t ovarian.  After her death, I did some research and I could only conclude that it was Endometrial Sarcoma.  I think she was trying to protect me by not fully disclosing what was killing her.  

She died five years before my own diagnosis of MS, but I'll always remember her story about when Dr. Wadwha first told her that she had MS.  So when my doctor broke the news to me, in Sandra K fashion, I asked, “Can I have a copy of the MRI?  I want to put it in my Christmas Cards this year to prove to people that I really do have a brain.

Dr. Schaublin said with a chuckle, “You’ll be fine.”